PEOPLE

Students: Stories of Triumph

Meet Jacob Lesner-Buxton


Growing up I always saw myself living independently. Dreams of owning and taking care of my own place filled my sleep. However, in those visions I always saw myself without disabilities. People with my disability were portrayed as staying with their parents or in a group living situation that was controlled by inept social workers. These two images were not appealing.

Still there was a chance that independent living wouldn’t be a possibility because of my minimal experience in the skills I needed to maintain an apartment. I barely knew how to clean, didn’t do laundry and could cook only in a microwave. By living with my parents I wasn’t motivated. I couldn’t move out successfully without having living skills.

My mom then suggested that instead of going to college right away, I take a year off and move into The Hatlen Center for the Blind about twenty miles away. At the time I was outraged at the idea because I wanted to graduate college with my age group. However, that anger of delaying my education subsided upon learning that half of my high school teachers were still finishing their college credits. Once that fear was axed I still felt uncomfortable about living in a “program.”

On my first visit I discovered that The Hatlen Center was located in an apartment building. Students pay for food, power, rent and the phone in their own apartments. Individuals can decide what they want to learn and come and go as they please. With this information I started thinking of this experience as real life and not going to a center.

Still in my head I was confusing the word independence with isolation. In the months before moving out paranoia started hitting me. I felt that I couldn’t ask for help at my new place. I was going to be the most independent person with a disability.

Yet behind my tough skin, I was scared of failing. I had earmarked a whole year for this program. What if something happened that messed it up? Nightmares of forgetting to pay rent and getting kicked out of the Center flooded my head. I didn’t want people to dismiss me as a helpless person who couldn’t manage on his own.

The first night my mantra, “I will not ask for help,” got tested. I was having a hard time trying to open a container of pasta salad and was almost in tears over the situation. Just then one of my neighbors came by to check on me and I got up the courage to ask him to open the container. Although he was nice, I was horrified by my actions because I felt like I relied on him.

Luckily, over the next few days, I met the other students in the program and saw that they weren’t perfect at being independent. Teachers were helping my neighbors with everything from using the ATM to cooking dinner. After seeing them I finally relaxed and let people help me. As long as I made an effort to do all I could by myself I saw no reason not to ask people for assistance.

Over the next few weeks my teachers taught me many skills. For example I was able to learn how to use the stove, make computer checks and clean the house. When someone showed me how to use the burners safely, suddenly I could cook pasta without fear. I now pay my rent without assistance because I learned how to print checks on my computer. My living skills teacher gave guidance on the best methods of cleaning the house. Learning to use these tools helped me to feel more comfortable about living alone.

After I got over all my worries I was able to experience the joy of living alone. I decide when I do chores, shop and cook. Plus, being around people my own age who had similar disabilities gave me a lot of social opportunities. I found that living independently forced me to overcome my shyness and connect with people. No longer are my parents around to provide social interaction, instead, I have to find it myself.

For the first time in my life I feel confident in myself and my future. Over the past six months I have gained a better understanding of what I can and cannot do. Chores, mistakes and the unplanned incidents are daily occurrences in my life. However, I get a rush of adrenaline from fixing a problem or completing a task. Each day I get satisfaction from knowing that with support I can live a life which is fulfilling and my own.